Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
