Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
