is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
