he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i now understand why vodka
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
