I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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