He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
