Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
