wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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