Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
