Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
