If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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