i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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