Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
