Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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