Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
