laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think i got beer on your cat.
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