i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
