This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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