Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
