1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
