Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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