I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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