His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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