I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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