Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
