well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
