I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
