Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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