i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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