know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
