hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
