Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Drunk is not a location!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
