She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
