I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
