We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
