I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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