I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
