White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
