I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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