I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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