also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you would pick up someone in the library
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
