chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can text with my tongue
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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