Swine flu. Run for my life!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
