Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
