my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
