I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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