i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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