Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
