I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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