dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
