I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
